The other night I had the horror of watching Four Corners (there was nothing else on and I like the left leaning bias) and witnessing the idiocy of a group of undecided swinging voters diddle doddle over who to throw their vote away to. For those who don't live in these parts, there is an election campaign between two parties whenever there is a slow news day: the Labour Party led by ear wax aficionado Kevin Rudd of the "New Left" and the incumbent Decepticons led by the evil Megatron, ahem... John Howard.
For about half an hour the reporters followed these people who would possibly have difficulty deciding between watching paint dry and subscribing to the Paint Watching Network on Foxtel (with a government rebate of course). The reporters took their voting intentions and opinions week by week as the campaign went on, and to no one's surprise the result was about break even. Some remained unimpressed by either side while others began to swing one way or another. The worst part of it all was watching some bogans on TV forming their opinions based on policies that did not exist anymore, in this case the private school hitlist as well as repeating the Liberal slogan of interest rate doom. I imagine it must be real hard to read a paper or two to try and look a little further than the propaganda (not that papers are completely free of it, but it's still better than just listening to campaign catchphrases).
With the weather here in Melbourne going out of whack every single day of the week, things really do get thrown into chaos. Crazy heatwaves followed by torrential downpours sounds like something out of an overproduced Jerry Bruckheimer film but the reality is not so far off. Luckily for us, this year being an election year we have a solution to the problem of these winds gone wild. Under a Rudd government, wind speed would be reduced by 40%, and rainfall would be increased to levels unseen since the 70s. Everyone knows rainfall has always been higher under Labour anyway, and now that Peter Garrett is on the scene he can perform some sort of rain dance to rob the heavens of that sweet sweet water.
While it may be pretty clear by now whom I intend to vote for this coming Saturday, I guess even if I thought otherwise there'd be no real point as I live in the safest Labour seat in Victoria, Batman. Did I also mention it has the coolest name? Up yours, Eden-Monaro. You can't really beat the electorate where Stately Wayne Manor is located. No one quite knows where the entrance to the Batcave is, but I'm sure there's a no go barrier painted in red and white to stop you in your tracks. Watch out for Martin Ferguson and think about why you've never seen him and Batman in the same room. Busy schedules for both involved or something more sinister? Ferguson has said that come each election someone managed to come along and draw a cowl and bat ears on his campaign poster in his office... an alert member of the public is obviously trying to tell us something here.
Hmm, one more Batman joke then. If Batman was caught street racing a bunch of teens after hours, would the Batmobile be impounded, confiscated, used as a crash test then returned to him in cuboid form as part of the anti hoon legislation? Alright, I'll level with you - I'm withholding my A-Grade material as part of the Writer's Guild strike. Even bloggers with heads filled to the brim with pickled molasses deserve residuals from online media. Even if I have to miss my favourite episodes of Letterman, it'll be worth it.
Oh, and one more thing... Costello would make an excellent Starscream. I can see him dumping Howard's body into deep space before proceeding to throw himself a kickarse coronation ceremony. That brings our obscure Transformers reference count to three... thank you, good night and may you throw away your vote wisely.
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