The other night I spoke to an old friend for the first time in more than eight years. Just talking about what we were doing with ourselves brought up a lot of things from the past and what could've been.
Online reunions of this sort are proof that Facebook is not a complete waste of time. No, it's only really 70 - 80% wastage. It was through the site I discovered my friend had already been married with a kid with another on the way, and he's a year younger than me. I saw his baby photos online and he's possibly the most adorable thing you've ever seen. He told me he was taking up further studies at night school, presumably to provide a better life for his new family. It's a lot of work but I love the feeling that he's preparing for such an exciting future. I think part of me is jealous that he seems to have found exactly what he wants in life at such a young age, I wish things would line up for me so easily. We used to be that close back in primary school, I guess he'd classify as a best friend during those simpler times. Goes to show you never know what time will do whilst you've been away.
While our conversation was a welcome respite from the happenings of uni life, I lay in bed for what felt like an eternity lost in thought. Regular readers will notice I have a fairly vivid and weird imagination, and that night I found myself dreaming up scenarios where I'm living an entirely different life based on my memories. It's sad enough when you have to move away from what you know and all the people you have come to love. I've been doing that for a lot of my early years and truth be told I never fully got used to it. I always picture each significant move not just as a separate part of my life, but an entirely new life altogether where people and places are left behind for a new incarnation to take hold.
And what else do we leave behind? Besides these things, in my mind the greatest thing left behind is possibility. Because I left Hong Kong to come here to Australia I dropped out of contact with so many people. And I am often left wondering how I would've turned out if I had never left. My nagging suspicion tells me I may have turned out like some of my nastier relatives (being in a place like HK does things to you after a while) but the personal relationships end up feeling like loose ends without a satisfying conclusion.
Yet despite all these things, I do not wish that this path never occurred. While I certainly regret doing certain things I suppose there's no point dwelling on them all day long. The other day I was chatting away with some of my fellow studio detainees and some of them suggested that taking it was the worst decision of their lives. While I admit the workload has been ridiculously high for such an invisible outcome and a lot of stress has come out of being at uni almost every day from the beginning of semester up until now, in my mind I still feel that the silver lining makes some of it worthwhile. In this studio I have met many wonderful people (and some not so) who I may not have met otherwise.
Having this conversation was pretty good for me though. It's making me think I should head back there again some time soon. I definitely need a break from uni, especially given I haven't had much of a winter break to speak of. At the start of the year a friend floated the idea of flying up to visit my other best friend from my former high school life who now lives in Singapore. That now seems like a very good idea indeed, now to get some money and make it happen...
In case I forget down the track, the title of this post comes from the Kurt Vonnegut novel Slaughterhouse-Five. It's the first real book I've had the chance to read in what seems like forever and it's a great read. The main character becomes 'unstuck' in time, causing him to randomly leap back and forwards through his life. In this way even though he experiences his own birth and death several times over, he does not really die because he can see the entirety of his existence. It's definitely worth reading and I'll be looking for a copy of my own some time down the track.