Got off my Ps the other day. This would have counted as some sort of major milestone if I actually had a car to drive, but at least I'm one of the safest drivers in the state. VicRoads sent me a letter two weeks before congratulating me on a job well done for not losing any demerit points and subsequently offered me a small discount on my license renewal fees, but then again you can't exactly violate any driving or parking laws when you've barely driven 100km over the course of your probation.
But enough of talking about my lack of petrol guzzling capacity and mobility, there are far more important issues to rip into. Like the state of pop music on our radios. Since the axing of Get This (RIP, 2006 - 2007), I have severed my loyalty to the Ms and am now a nomad wandering in the wasteland that is FM radio. No station can possibly fulfil my audible needs so as a result I find myself listening to up to three breakfast shows, often at once to find that they end up talking about the same old crap within minutes of each other. There are only so many Wayne Carey jokes you can make, people.
The music isn't much better when it comes to 'rocking through you workday'. This year so far we've been listening to Nova at work and after a few weeks it really isn't all that much different from the other commercial music stations no matter what they say. Sure they might play a couple of tracks the other stations wouldn't touch in a million years, but other than that there's no real sense of separation.
To demonstrate my point, here is a breakdown of the songs I have come to hate over the past month played out over the course of a typical work day. My commitment to work can be clearly seen by my notes on when the song has been played. I'm sure I'd register a few more playing times if I hadn't gone out of the office for lunch too.
These are some of my least favourite songs right now, and I hope they're some of yours too.
Pink - Because I Can (9.14am)
Not another week goes without yet another track spinning itself down to the CD store to be released a single. And it really goes to show that quality does drop down just a tad when single number seven comes along. I know it sounds old and tired, but I'm beginning to miss the old Pink when her sound was somewhat new and different. Strangely this gets airplay even on Triple M just because it's got a couple of electric guitars going on the the background, which really is the only criteria you need for getting on the Ms these days in something I like to call the Ashlee Simpson Policy.
Timbaland Feat. OneRepublic - Apologise (9.22am, 3.10pm)
Hold on there, mister. Why are you complaining about this song? It's a perfectly decent song produced by the one of the most talented men in the music industry today and it manages to be only half as annoying as the other songs around. You're right, me. I shouldn't be as harsh on this song as you say I am, but I'm afraid persistent exposure to Apologise (or 'Pologise' as I have come to know it... that 'A' just disappears into an aether of semi demi mini quavers) has worn out most of the goodwill I have towards this song.
The other day I saw an advert for a Maroon 5 gig (where do I begin with them?) where OneRepublic was the supporting act. Their logo was shown under said heading but with the underlying tagline "It's too late to apologise" in case people had trouble remembering who they were. Better safe than sorry I suppose. And what exactly does their track listing consist of apart from 'Apologise'? A cover of Toto's 'Africa' followed by an special encore of 'Pologise'?
Britney Spears - Gimme More (9.44am)
According to Wikipedia, the word 'gimme' is used up to eighty-eight times. I have no reason to dispute this.
Although this song is fairly annoying with its use of electronic voice altering effects to the point where any goon could be singing the song and made to sound like Spears, there's a funny part at the end where Danja, the producer and disciple of the aforementioned lord of pop productions Timbaland does a little spoken word novella. The part where he says:
Cause I ain't goin' no where, haha
It's now something I aim to put into everyday conversation... I think it's got legs. Too lazy to do household chores? About to get tackled by the ticket inspectors cos you didn't bother buying a ticket? Refusing to yield your seat to a pregnant woman on a lifeboat? You gonna have to remove me man... cos I ain't goin' no where...
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love (10.08am, 1.24pm, 4.13pm)
With the number of plays that cursed song gets each day, it's a wonder she hasn't bled to death already. I hope she was at a blood bank, at least she could make herself somewhat useful. Seriously though, when it comes to songs like these you think they'd know when to hold back so it doesn't outstay its welcome. I have no real problem with this song really, for a second rate power balladeer in the style of a Carey, Houston or whatever. It just gets played as if it were the only song left in the music library.
Rogue Traders - I Never Liked You (10.16am - only once... wow)
Evoking TV memories of high school romances being crushed by a peroxide laced simulacrum, this is probably one of the most unlikeable songs to hit radio this year. I know it's supposed to come across as a breakup song but it really sounds like she's just rubbing it in the guy's face. Compound that with the fact that Bassingthwaighte can only sing when hiding behind a battery of synthesizers and you have yourself a Top 40 hit!
The Veronicas - Untouched (10.37am, 5.27pm)
Call me cynical and blunt or suffering from blunt cynicism, but any song which starts out with lyrics like:
I go ooh ooh, you go ah ah
lalalalalalalala, lalalalalalalala
I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want
Don't stop
Give me give me give me what you got got
Kylie Minogue - Wow (11.31am, 3.25pm)
Nothing could take her down. Cancer, relationship woes and Street Fighter came and went down for the count before the seemingly indestructible Ms. Minogue. After the end of civilisation I imagine aliens will find copies of Kylie's Greatest Hits CD and presume we all dressed in gold hotpants and possessed vocal chords that shattered the sound barrier.
Every inch of you smells of desire,
You're such a rush, the rush is never ending,
Now,
You got it, you're wow wow wow wow,
Wow wow wow wow.
I imagine I don't even have to point out what's wrong with using an exclamation as an adjective.
It also sounds a lot like she's sampling her older work with the 80s style beats. For someone who says she's sick of performing 'I Should Be So Lucky' two decades after its release it certainly doesn't sound like she's completely over it just yet.
Though really I shouldn't be the one complaining especially given my current favourite tracks. As of writing I'm stuck somewhere in the 70s and 80s 'Life On Mars' style in a coma filled with silly songs. I've explained the virtues of Hall and Oates' "Out Of Touch" before and when you're in the mood for it, it's repeating itself throughout my commute to work. And now I'm on to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" from the final episode of The Sopranos, though I have to say I'm used to hearing the song abruptly finish near the end. It's the only way to remember it. As of Thursday night's ep of Family Guy, Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" took up residence inside my head and may not leave for some time. Things are looking bleak for my musical tastes.
After all is said and done... time to winch out a post which reeks of effort! You'll know which one it is when it happens.
Haha, that was a crack-up. Well done on writing what I've been thinking about these annoying songs the past few weeks. Although you forgot to mention that Untouched was inspired by Glen McGrath's "ooh ah" chant.
Congrats on getting off your Ps, even though it's more of a waiting game than anything. Clearly when you get your own car, make sure it comes with a CD player.
Hilarious use of totally random cross-references like the blood bank and Street Fighter. :) That was awesome.