Say Something...

It's odd how things can just happen for no reason at all, especially when you least suspect. It may be a chance encounter with someone you haven't seen in years, or events beyond your awareness spiraling together to form a surprising conclusion. This is probably none of those things really, but I like to think it has something to do with forces beyond our control. No, I'm not talking about invisible deities or increasingly unstable weather patterns, I'm talking about The Secret. For you see, for no real reason at all our family finally has a gaming console.

I guess I should explain myself before I continue. Most normal families have a couple of things that would be considered 'fun' lying around the house for us kids to enjoy. Not us though. Sure, we had the usual toys and all that, but we didn't have anything in the way of board games or video games, save my antique original Game Boy. That's right, I'm sitting on a cash cow here folks. None of that new fancy DS stuff, real Tetris is played on monochromatic screens in 8-Bit sound.

In any case, you may think Nintendo has nothing to do with this narrative. But you thought wrong. So how do you feel now? You see, mum just decided one day to go out and buy a Wii. I'm not completely sure why, but I heard it had something to do with her seeing some old people on the TV playing Wii. Not to be outdone by a bunch of geriatrics I suppose she pulled out a random catalogue to discover it was actually quite cheap. But really anything is cheap when compared to the heavy duty strength of the PS3 or XBox-whatever-random-integer.

While this may have all been a bit of good luck for the family, I choose to believe it was due to my reading of a little thing known as The Secret. Many of you may have already heard of it, especially if you have seen that episode of The Chaser's War On Everything where they take the piss out of it. Here it is if you haven't seen it, or just want to relive classic comedy in pirated Internet video form. Either way, it helps to give the impression that I've typed more.



So without me having to describe too much, the power of positive thinking attracts material objects to you like a real magnet would. And the best part, is you don't really have to do anything, just visualise it all day and you shall receive. But it's not really a secret if you think about it. Men and women have been cuing up outside Centrelink for millenia doing the exact same thing. You don't need to buy a book or watch a dodgily produced film to know that.

While I'm still barely on topic, I may as well throw in another video for you to ignore at your peril. For more 'Secret' inspired humour I've found a clip from Boston Legal, one of my favourite shows going around at the moment. Currently sitting in the real prime time slot of 10.30pm on Monday nights, this 'legal dramedy' is a strange mixture of satire on much of American culture, visual gags and some of the best dialogue you can ask of in a TV show. It also helps that the cast is top notch, especially when it comes to the chemistry between James Spader and William Shatner's characters. The following clip is a small example of what I'm on about.



I couldn't find the outcome of that little plotline online but I can tell you that Denny's plan works... up to an extent. I'll try not to spoil it too much, but it is pure gold.

Returning from our little detour in a full circle kind of way, getting a Wii is probably a mixed blessing. Sure it may be excellent fun the entire family can enjoy (except my dad, who refuses electronic fun in all forms) but it does involve a lot more physical input than that required from traditional controllers. Playing Wii Boxing is one of my favourites cos it lets me let off some steam and get a half decent workout, but the other week I boxed my way through 6 waves of opponents before I managed to break out into a sweat. That was all well and fine, but the morning after I woke to find both my arms were sore... it took me until lunch to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

And I'm not the only one. When the Wii first came out, it wasn't too long before the first wave of Wii-induced injuries emerged. Things like boxing matches becoming a bit too physical, hands slamming into tables, walls and windows created entire websites cataloging accidents like these. Some of them might be a tad too graphic for your liking, so don't say I didn't warn you. The worst ones might not involve a trip to the hospital, but a hit to your wallet when you don't secure the Wiimote strap properly and the sweaty hands of an overenthused gamer sends the Wiimote flying across the room into a priceless Ming vase or that brand new wide screen TV you bought not so long ago. Just watch for the day when insurance agencies refuse to pay out of 'Acts of Wii'.

And thus brings us to the end of an epically lengthy post. If you're still here, congratulations on making it this far. Just remember it took me twice as long to write this as you took to read it (just an educated guess, you may not even be able to read in which case, why are you here in the first place?). Catch you next time, and think about donating some cash so that people without fantastic games for their Wii may now play in peace.